I Need a Nap

Hello lovely people!!! First of all I just want to say how grateful I am for everyone and I love and miss you guys so so much!! 

Alrighty, I promised myself that I would be honest in these emails so I can hopefully give any future missionaries some better expectations. Missions are literally so hard. People say that a lot but they also kinda tip toe around it. Training lowkey sucks, and this week was the worst. I thought last week was bad, but I've been close to miserable this week. My whole life has been flipped completely upside down and I just miss my people. I try to push forward and not dwell on the things that make me sad or anxious but it's hard to ignore those feelings sometimes. People always say that a busy missionary is a happy missionary, but when you're in training you have a lot of extra study time to learn everything you need to, so you sit around and you read and it feels very unproductive. Figuring out how to best manage your time and your feelings and the things that need to get done is so hard and in the moment I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for eternity, but I can't. 

This is not to say that it is all bad, you do see blessings and miracles here and there and those are the things that keep you going. God knows me and he knows how hard this is for me and he knows how much I wanna go home, but he's asking me to stay a little longer. I'm gonna have better days but I have to still do my part to have those better days. I have to see the tender mercies all around me. I have to walk by faith. I chose to be here and God called me to the work, so I have to trust that there is a reason why. I love my Heavenly Father and I'm so grateful that He has given us the gift of His son. Christ knows exactly how I feel because he has felt it. He knows how to run to me and lift me up and walk with me down this very difficult path because he's already done it. I'm so beyond grateful for that. 

In General Confrence Elder Karl D. Hirst gave a talk called "God's Favorite" in October of 2024. I love this talk so so much and he has a fun accent which makes it even better. Anyways he talks about how God's love is the last thing we should ever question. God's love for us is eternal. Elder Hirst also goes on to talk about our loneliest of lonely moments and how in those moments we feel that no one else could possibly be there. But Christ is there and he has already been through it and he has returned to that moment to wait for you. He is prepared to meet us in these moments all throughout our life. Hirst also mentions that if we feel like we are waiting for him to come, he could already be there, within reach, waiting for us to see him. 

Idk if I've ever felt more alone in my life. But I can tell you all that even in this very lonely time I can feel my saviors love and light reaching out towards me. And that's what keeps me going. 

Love you all and miss you more than you know